it's not funny

I received a text message forwarded to me by a good friend. In it were reactions of a certain individual who seems to be full of angst and bitterness.

"...Hindi na ito nakakatuwa."

Those were the exact words.

Ako din, hindi ako natuwa. In fact, I was pissed off! How dare you bluntly express your feelings well, in fact, you don't even know the reason behind such decision. Do think I planned everything just to ruin our plans? And do you know what it would cost me should I adhere to pursue with what you think is the "proper" way to do? MY JOB!!!

That remark of yours was totally uncalled for. It was foul.

"Hindi ka nakakatuwa."

If you are bitter or you want to prove something, don't do it at the expense of others.

It's pathetic.

the neophyte cook

We have lots of recipes and cookbooks at home but i never tried using them...ewan ko ba, parang ayaw kasi sa akin ng pagluluto...simpleng frying nga lang, naku po, para akong nakikipaglaban dahil bukod sa may hawak akong sheild (yung takip ng kaldero) at espada (siyanse), tumatalon-talon pa ako with matching cover-cover pa sa "sheild" kuno...hay!

Last night, habang nag-aayos ng mga kalat ko, i browsed through one of our cookbooks...stir-fried dishes...ah! madali lang 'to! At since mahilig ako sa sweet & sour, yung Stir-Fried Chicken Sweet & Sour with Pineapple ang pinili kong lutuin...15 minutes preparation, madaling mahanap ang ingredients, at higit sa lahat, madaling sundan ang instructions...

Matapos ang 15 minutes, eto ang kinalabasan:




Pinagsaluhan naming mag-anak ang aking unang dish...pwede na daw akong magluto sabi ng tatay ko...naks!

O ayan, pwede ko nang ma-apply yung saying na:
"A way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

Hehehe...

masaya ako...malungkot ako...

Masaya ako dahil maganda ang kanta namin last easter vigil...all our efforts have paid off...at least for some...(do i hear somebody saying "ouch"?)

Malungkot ako dahil sa ilang mga bagay-bagay na nakaka-disappoint...

...ayan naiiyak na naman ako!


Masaya ako dahil maganda ang kuha ko sa group picture na ito...



Malungkot ako dahil...hindi ako kasama sa picture.

...waaah!


Masaya ako dahil nag-fellowship kami ni Kuya Nog at ni Derps sa Mandarin Hotel...at kumain ako ng fondue...tapos may malaking chocolate fountain! sarap!



Cge na nga, masaya na ako!

Happy Easter, everyone!

i'm only human

So who says tough girls don't cry?

Mabuti na lang may halu-halo at may isang mabuting kaibigan na handang dumamay at maki-iyak (?)...



Thanks for listening, Danna.

7 days and 7 nights

I turned 30 years old last April 2. But it took about a week before the birthday phenomena was over:


April 1.
I had dinner with my closest friends at the Seaside and Cowboy Grill. However, my dearest friend, John, wasn't able to make it due to some urgent matters. It's alright, John. You owe me one. In general, it was a refreshing celebration. Very intimate...just the way I wanted it to be. Thanks for making it come true, Schatzi. I love you.




April 2.
Had lunch at Hap Chan at Market! Market! with my parents and my aunt. This is my first birthday that I celebrated it with my aunt...I think this could pass as an entry to the Guinness Book.

Later on that night, I had my second birthday celebration – this time, with the SPP Youth Choir. It was fun. A total contrast to the celebration I had the previous night. Lots of laughter, silly jokes, and revelations during the most-awaited pik-pak-boom game. Too bad, I wasn't able to join them during the game. Been very busy answering birthday greetings sent via SMS. Thanks for the cake, guys.




April 3.
An ordinary day at the office. I received a card and wind chime from Gima, and a purple drawstring pants from Alaine that she personally bought from Puerto Galera. My boss didn’t greet me. No big deal.


April 4.
I received a bouquet of one dozen yellow roses all the way from London. Thanks for the wonderful surprise. Promise, I'll always take care. Miss you.




April 5.
I received a text message coming from a dear friend. Though the greeting was three days late, I really appreciate it. Thanks for the annual birthday greetings and for keeping in touch. I'm so honored by the fact that you still have my mobile number after all these years. Hope we can get together soon.


April 6.
I received another surprise gift from a family friend. It's a book on how to simplify life. Thanks for the book. I must admit, my life is full of clutter. I know this book will help me clean my life's mess brought about by unfortunate events and throw away all the unnecessary burden that I've been carrying all these years.


April 7.
Had the final birthday celebration with a good friend at MyLK in Greenbelt 3. Save the best for last. :)



Lord, I thank you for the past 29 years of my life. Thank you for being with me all these years and for sending me the wonderful people who have given me their unconditional love and untiring support. Now as I look forward to another year, I ask for your blessing. Give me the grace to overcome the little problems that will come my way and embrace every little blessing that you will bestow upon me. Help me to live according to your will. I love you, Lord. Amen.

Yin-Yang

Sadyang kay bilis ng panahon. Di na natin namalayan na labinlimang taon na pala tayong magkaibigan.

Naalala mo pa ba nung una tayong nagkakilala? Ako, tandang-tanda ko pa lahat – ang petsa, lugar, okasyon, pati oras...o, san ka pa?!

Sa loob ng 15 taon, marami nang nabago...sa iyo...sa akin...sa ating mga pag-uugali at pananaw sa buhay...

Marami na ring mga bagay at tao na dumaan sa buhay natin na naka-apekto sa kung ano at kung sino tayo ngayon...

Sa pagkakataong ito, gusto kong malaman mo na natutuwa ako at naging bahagi ka ng pagkatao ko na di maaaring maglaho kailanman...

Salamat sa mga pag-aalala, pagmamahal, pagkakaibigan, luha, at tuwa na idinulot mo sa buhay ko...


Isang tagay naman dyan!

Lessons from a Rhumba Frap

I'm so sad...

...a lot of things are happening lately...i'm literally torn into pieces...



Sa sobrang sama ng loob ko, bumili ako ng Venti Starbuck's Rhumba Frap...natuwa ako kasi sa ibang branch ng Starbucks, wala ng Rhumba...discontinued na raw sabi nila...mabuti na lang sa Standard Chartered branch meron pa...actually, hinihintay na lang nila maubos.

Nalungkot na naman ako...pati ba naman Rhumba Frap?

Pero sabi nila, meron daw ipapalit na bagong flavor, mas masarap kesa Rhumba...

Ah! parang yung tinext sa akin ng friend ko..."God will never leave you empty because He will replace everything you have lost. If He asks you to put something down, it's because He wants you to pick something great."

Sige, I'll look forward to that new coffee flavor...

...at dun sa "something great" na mangyayari sa buhay ko.

Hear what I'd like to say but what I can not say...

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks-masks that I'm afraid to take off and none of them are me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me but don't be fooled, for God's sake, don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure; that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without; That confidence is my name and coolness my game,
That the water's calm and I'm in command, and that I need no one.

But don't believe me. Please!

My surface may be smooth but my surface is my mask.
My ever-varying and ever-concealing mask.
Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence.
Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear, in aloneness.
But I hide this.
I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weaknesses and fear exposing them.
That's why I frantically create my masks to hide behind.
They're nonchalant, sophisticated facades to help me pretend.
To shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only salvation, and I know it.

That is, if it's followed by acceptance, and if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself from my own self-built prison walls.

I dislike hiding, honestly.
I dislike the superficial game I'm playing, the superficial phony game.
I'd really like to be genuine and me.
But I need your help, your hand to hold.
Even though my masks would tell you otherwise.
That glance from you is the only thing that assures me of what I can't assure myself,
That I'm really worth something.

But I don't tell you this.
I don't dare.
I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing, that I'm just no good and you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game.
With a facade of assurance without, and a trembling child within.

So begins the parade of masks.
The glittering but empty parade of masks, and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that's nothing and nothing of what's everything, of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine do not be fooled by what I'm saying.

Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying.
Hear what I'd like to say but what I can not say.

It will not be easy for you, long felt inadequacies make my defenses strong.
The nearer you approach me the blinder I may strike back.
Despite what books say of men, I am irrational;
I fight against the very thing that I cry out for.
Don't be fooled by me.
At least not by the face I wear.

Dream Of Me

10 years from now...

...i'll be 50,000 pesos richer.




Ikaw naman kasi. Sa dinami-dami ng puwede mong ipusta sa akin, dun ka pa sa siguradong talo ka.

Alam ko, masamang magsalita ng tapos pero sa puntong ito, lalagyan ko ng tuldok ang sasabihin ko.

HINDI MANGYAYARI YUN. <-- kita mo yun, may tuldok?!

Kahit maghanap ka pa ng kakampi, gumawa ng lahat ng paraan, at kahit daanin mo pa sa dahas...

HINDI MANGYAYARI YUN. <-- kita mo, may tuldok ulet?!

Ngayon pa lang, pag-aralan mo nang tanggapin na talo ka na.

Mag-ipon ka na rin ng pera :)

Sayang, kung sa ibang bagay ka pumusta, baka manalo ka pa...

The Love Factor

I had a very sensible and lengthy discussion last night with 2 of my male friends. The topic was about my current civil status. Both of them were very much concerned with my current situation. You see, I'll be turning 30 this coming April, yet I haven't experienced how it is to love and be loved by someone from the opposite sex. As for me, I haven't really done some serious thinking about being single for life...until these two individuals braved their way to finally confront me with the issue.

According to them, there are four factors that contribute to my current situation:

Factor #1: My credentials are "too high"

A woman of character, independent, smart, talented, born-leader, sensible, perfectionist. These are some of the words that they use to describe me. According to my friend, I am a threat to any man. Well, I don't think so. As far as I am concerned, I am willing to submit myself to a man who's worth it.


Factor #2: I'm too tied up with my work and extra-curricular activities

Absolutely. Take a look at my weekly sked last year; I stay late in the office every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I have rehearsals on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. I have an entirely busy Sunday. Now tell me, where can I squeeze him in? Singing and teaching the choir are two things that I really love to do. I just couldn't imagine myself not conducting rehearsals or not singing for an entire week! It's my life. Besides, I still have nobody to "bequeath the throne" to. However, after some serious thinking, I can perhaps change it a bit so I could spend more time for myself.


Factor #3: I have a high-standard when it comes to men

Who wouldn't want a gallant knight in shining armor? Unfortunately, he doesn't exist. Not in this lifetime, honey. And I know that for a fact. To get things straight, my criterion is simple: he is should be someone who will love and understand me despite my weakness and shortcomings.


Factor #4: I am afraid of falling in love with the wrong person

Alright, I admit. I want to experience how it is to love and be loved in return but I certainly don’t want to be hurt in the process. I'm too idealistic when it comes to matters of the heart. Blame it on my perfectionist side.


Later on that night, I received a text message from one of my 2 male friends. It says:

"Assuming that you died in that accident, do you think the music ministry will die with you? God has given you not just another chance to live but also a chance to change the direction of your life according to God’s best plans for you."


And that really struck me.

New Year Get-Together

SPSM Batch '89 had a get-together dinner at Gerry's Grill, Glorietta...Jules, a former batchmate was here for a two-week vacation...

Of course, the night was filled with so much reminiscing, fun, and yes, pictures!


In front of Gerry's Grill


With Julina at Greebelt 3

Happy Birthday, Elay!

Happy birthday, Elay!

May true love and happiness find you and may it fill you with all of life's vibrant colors!

Cheers!

2005...the year that was

2005...a year filled with so many things:


Realizations...
"Nothing in life is more important than God and your family and friends."

"Anyone that means something to you-you should spend time with them and let them know how much they mean to you as often as you can."


Lessons Learned...
"Trust your hunches. They're usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level."

"Life is short and we have a very limited time. Always make the most of each day and never forget to tell those you love that you love them."

"Don't expect anything if you don't want to get hurt in the end."


Metamorphosis...
"Reach higher, and you'll attain more. Expect more of yourself, and those expectations will soon become your reality. Each day provides ample opportunity for improvement. So expect to improve. And you will."


Letting go...
"If you’re holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to LET IT GO!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains...LET IT GO!
If someone can’t treat you right, love you back and see your worth...LET IT GO!"

Indeed, 2005 has been a good year.




Thank you, Lord for giving me the chance to welcome 2006 and to look forward to what lies ahead of me...

Year-End Stint

For the second time, we were invited to sing at Rockwell's Thanksgiving Mass last December 31, 10pm. Everybody was in their element that night...maganda ang kanta...ikaw ba naman ang ilagay sa elevated platform, pag di ka nagperform ng maayos!

...yun nga lang nagmistulang replay ang misa ng gabing iyon...lalu na ang homily...ang kwento ng anniversary thanksgiving mass sa Bureau of Customs...ang blessing ng isang ektaryang factory...ang offertory parade sa isang misa sa MegaMall kung saan nakakuha si Father ng 35 baskets na pinamigay nya sa mga madre sa isang kumbento sa Quezon City...at ang mga madre na lubhang nasiyahan sa itlog, este, balot!...at ang free advertisement ng 2006 planner na may daily Gospel reflection na ang proceeds ay mapupunta sa mga seminarista ng Society of St. Paul...

...kahit parang kami'y nasa deja vu ng mga sandaling iyon, maganda pa ring pakinggan ang gist ng homily ni Father...

"This New Year, don't thank God for giving you more blessings while others have less, instead, thank Him for the countless ways you've been a blessing to other people during the past year."

"It's nice when your prayers are answered, but wouldn't it be nicer if you'll be the answer to someone else's prayer?"

That night, i'm pretty sure, the Rockwell Management felt a whole lot better since what they gave us is indeed an answer to our prayers...thank you so much!

Nightmare Before Christmas

Too many unfortunate events happened the night before Christmas:

- last minute problem at Poweplant
- emotional burden
- last minute rush (na talagang kinawindang ng mundo ko!)
- stress brought about by the recent church activities which resulted to: slight fever, colds, and severe headache

Hindi ito pelikula...totoong buhay ito...sa tagal ng career ko sa choir, ngayon lang nagkaganito...ayoko mag-elaborate...basta, it was indeed a NIGHTMARE...

Buti na lang masaya kami sa picture...

At The Coro

Last night was the start of Simbang Gabi...at sa coro kami kumanta!



Actually, di na bago sa akin ang pagkanta sa coro. I've sang and have conducted the choir at the coro for a couple of times, mostly during special liturgucal celebrations. What really makes it quite exciting this time is the fact that it'll be the first time that we will be singing in our new home, our permanent location, in the church. Yes, wala na ang mga araw na di kami magkanda-ugaga para lang pagkasyahin ang aming mga katawan sa gawing kanan ng altar ng simbahan...ewan ko ba naman kasi sa naka-isip nito...eh, ang pagkakatanda ko, tinanggal na sa Vatican II ang pag-awit ng mga manganganta at choir sa coro...kung bakit ba naman kasi...tsk,tsk,tsk...

Mixed emotions ang feeling the Youth choir kagabi: may excited, may nahilo dahil sa paikut-ikot na hagdan, at may natakot (I see dead people!)...generally, maganda ang kanta namin...binagayan ang aming bagong uniform...pero, later on that night, we had a small talk with Derps, sabi nya, ayaw nya sa coro kami kumanta...feeling daw nya, nawalan sya ng pamilya...

How sad :(

Kami rin po, para rin kaming nawalan ng pamilya...gone are the days na magi-greet at makaka-kwentuhan mo yung mga lectors, commentators, mother butlers, and eucharistic ministers dun sa sacristy...suddenly we've become isolated...we're one with them in worship but physically and strategically far from them...

Ngayon, naintindihan ko na kung bakit pilit na inalis sa Vatican II ang pagkanta sa coro...



(A shot of the altar taken from the coro)

Kuwentong Sari-Sari

Nakakatuwa kaninang umaga. Nagbidahan kaming mag-anak tungkol sa mga nakakatuwa at nakainis na mga tagpo na nagaganap sa aming munting sari-sari store.

Masaya sa tindahan namin at eto ang mga patunay kung bakit:

- Saan ka nakakita ng taong naghahanap ng asukal, kape, paminta, asin, suka, toyo at patis, gayong ilang hakbang na lamang ay palengke na.


- Meron ding mga taong naghahanap ng tempra, dolfenal, decolgen, aspilet, biogesic, neozep, gardan, salonpas, colantro, mertayoleyt at agua oxenada gayong ang tindahan namin ay di naman botika...yung katapat ng bahay namin, yun ang botika!


- May mga taong naghahanap ng "cocomban", "bagulgang", "head ang shoulders", "juicy fruwit", "dabolment", at envelope na ang tatak ay "via air mail"


- May mga coñotic at pasosyal effect na mamimili:

(a) Meron kayong mosquito killer? (lay man's term: katol)
(b) Miss, have kayo ng Marlboro Lights, the one in Gold? (yeah, right!)
(c) Meron kayong crape paper? (crepe paper, yung ginagamit sa art project)


- Meron ding mga medyo "tanga" na mamimili:

Ale : Manang, pabili po ng dyaryo...bago ho ba ito?

Syempre, saan ka naman nakakita ng lumang dyaryo na tinitinda, di ba?
Dahil dito, medyo nainis ang aking ina kaya sinagot nya ng...

Nanay Ko: Ay, luma... (tonong sarkastiko)
Ale : Ah... cge po, salamat. Saan ho ba merong nagtitinda ng dyaryo na bago?

...ay, patulan ba ang joke time ni mother?


- At mga pilosopong mamimili:

Mama : Manong, pabili po ng Pop Cola, maliit.
Tatay Ko: Ilan?
Mama : Isa lang po. Magkano isa?
Tatay Ko: 7.00
Mama : Bakit ho sabi sa TV, sais lang?
Tatay Ko: Eh, di sa TV ka bumili!

...oo nga naman!


- Meron ding question and answer portion:

Mamimili : Pabili ng sigarilyo?
Jhie : Anong sigarilyo?
Mamimili : Winston
Jhie : Red o Lights
Mamimili : Red
Jhie : Ilan?
Mamimili : Magkano isa?
Jhie : 1.50
Mamimili : Magkano 1 kaha
Jhie : 28.00
Mamimili : Cge, 4 na piraso lang

...ang ganda, di ba? Daig pa ang interrogation sa NBI!


- At dahil nagtitinda kami ng dyaryo at yung kodigo na para sa karera sa Sta. Ana, kailangang alam namin ang mga sumusunod dahil baka may magtanong ng:

- dyaryo na may ingles o kaya tagalog na editorial
- dyaryo na may horoscope
- dyaryo na may kwento tungkol sa sexual experiences
- dyaryo na may mga numerong lumabas sa lotto
- ang halaga ng mapapanalunan sa lotto
- masuwerteng kabayo na dapat tayaan sa karera
- araw at oras ng karera

Masaya magkaroon ng tindahan...kaya lang nitong mga nakaraang araw, ayokong magtinda...
sa sobrang bilis kasi tumaas ng mga presyo ng mga bilihin, di ko na alam kung ano ang
presyo ng mga paninda namin...hay!

Happy Birthday, John

Para sa aking...



...ka-tagay ng Coke
...ka-partner sa aking debut
...kakosa sa kakulitan at kalokohan
...taga-puno ng inbox
...tagapagtanggol sa mga stalkers at krung-krung na tao
...katulad sa pagiging smart at intelligent (syempre, di ako papayag na ikaw lang!)
...karamay sa dusa at saya

at kaibigan for life...

MALIGAYANG KAARAWAN!


SI JOHN AY...
isa sa mga pinaka-paborito kong tao...a genuine friend...a loving son...a good husband material (o, wag na magreact, wala naman akong sinabi na civil status mo ah!) ;p

PERO...
di halata!...hehehe...pero, lapitin ng bading (hahaha!)...at mabagal kumilos kaya palaging nale-late...


SALAMAT SA...
lifelong friendship and for being the brother I never had...

DI KO EXCPECT NA...
he has remained the same John that I've known all these years kahit na dami nang dumaan na trials sa life nya...

AT SANA MALAMAN NYA NA...
na panalo na ako sa pustahan, hehehe...and that i'll always and forever be a friend that he can count on for better or for worse, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, in proverty and in plenty, in joke time and in seriousness...until...matapos ang forever! So help me, God.

An Affirmation

I don't take personal text surveys seriously. Actually, I am scared to find out how others would think of me as a person...However, it dawned upon me that you can really get something from it, an affirmation...something unexpected...but sincere.

I sent this survey to my Txtnonstop Tribe (thanks to Globe!) and it's nice to know how others valued my personhood, my uniqueness, my character...

I personally like what my good friend, John, said...mind you, it took him about four text messages to finally get the entire message across!



Here is it:

"SI JHIE AY...kaibigan ko na matagal na, as in matagal, alam mo yun, nung fetus pa lang kami nagtatawanan na kami...mabait yan

PERO...mataray, sasabihin ang gustong sabihin basta totoo lang queber kung masaktan ka, pero maayos pa rin naman approach niya

SALAMAT SA...halos magdadalawang dekada ng pakikipagkaibigan sa akin, biruin mo natiis mo yun. At salamat dun sa pang libre mo sa akin at sa pag sunod sa mga kantiyaw ko...ang coke, syempre...barbeque, chocolate sa ref nyo, balot, among others...

DI KO EXCPECT NA...until now friends pa rin kami, i mean yung tatagal talaga...sabagay, pareho naman kami mabait...Isa pa, di ko expect na magiging diretso buhok nya...salamat sa siyensya...

AT SANA MALAMAN NYA NA...sobrng thankful ako to have her as one of my good and closest friends"

Thanks for the affirmation, John!